My journey alone, lost and afraid in the jungle in 1986, ended with the profound wonder of life breathing through me.
I breathed – and in this one profound conscious breath – found myself. I felt my body and welcomed this life-giving breath moving through me. Who I truly am was the breath of life that found me and brought me home. All that I had known or believed in, up until that moment, was gone. All that was left was my awareness of breath – a life giving essence that brought spirit into my body. In that moment all my senses were in communion with life.
In that moment the same essence that moves the river moved through me. The same essence that awakens the songbird awakens me. The very essence that opens the flower opens me.
I took another breath and knew the sacred pulse of life that breathed into my body was the living force that ignited the fire of my soul. With another deep and full breath, I laid back and surrendered to the Mother’s embrace.
How gentle it seemed as I allowed myself to feel the power of the Amazon River rocking me. Her morning sounds and smells intoxicated me and filled me with awe and wonder. I felt gently rocked as my fears melted in the morning sun.
I listened to the sounds all around me and heard a symphony of profound beauty saying: Life is a vibration of union and with each conscious breath we are in harmony.
In this precious moment, resting in my canoe, my heart heard the song of the ancients carried in the breath of the wind. Through my tears of joy I breathed, and with each breath knew then anything outside this essential breath is an illusion: The ancient veil had lifted and, with this essential awakening my journey had begun.
Suddenly the boat moved too quickly and I dropped both my oars into the river. In my inadequate attempt to reach for them, I lost my balance and fell back into the boat. There was nothing I could do but surrender to the current. I no longer had any control over my direction, so I lay back and snuggled into the curve of the canoe and watched the tops of the trees slowly move by.
As the canoe journeyed with the current, I felt cradled and remembered what I had forgotten, so long ago. With the rocking of the canoe, I drifted into a dream-like state and surrendered to the current and heard the river whisper to me: I will take you to the unknown where many forgotten truths are hidden.
I knew it was a voice from deep within me, but it seemed to be an echo coming from everywhere.
I journeyed deeper into the shadows of the Amazon, slowly letting go of my thoughts, surrendering to the visions that flooded my mind. Suddenly, the tree tops seemed to be spinning around as the sounds of the jungle disappeared.
Taken back three generations, my great grandmother appeared as a beautiful young woman dressed in her native clothes, I saw her in my mind’s awareness, but felt her presence all around me, in the tree tops moving by, and in the leaves surrendering to the river.
With a cry in her voice, she told me how she had hidden her identity, never speaking her name. From heart to heart, she showed me the land and the beauty of our people: My name is Running Bear. I live in the root of your being. I am the river that flows through your blood, just as this river flows through this land. What is in me is in you. You are my child, and you carry within you my name, my courage, and my indigenous wisdom. Within the truth that carries it all, I am here to show you the way.
My body became overwhelmed with the joy of knowing her in the root of my being, and at the same time I was overwhelmed with the pain I felt. I felt her speaking so gently within me, yet her words cut through me like a sharp knife: Life’s essence dances in the heart of your deepest longing and sings in the union of your luminous grace; this harmonic rhythm pulses continuously in your soul and that becomes the breath of life. In this place my bear medicine is awakened in you and your sacred wisdom is realized.
This truth rang through the fiber of my being, comforting me, and filling my heart with a familiar knowing. At the same time, my body ached, as I felt her essence moving through my bones. What is hers is mine – her joy and her pain, her untold stories and her song.
In the silence, she passed on the joy and the strengths of our people. I felt her wondering if I would be the one to awaken to our sacred and ancient wisdom. I reached out to her, longing to know more, but she faded into the sky, into the emptiness, leaving me alone with my unbearable silence.
Through my tears, I called out her name over and over. I began to fall deeper into an unfamiliar place and heard my own voice telling me to breathe. The word “remember,” kept returning to me. A voice within said: You must reclaim what is hidden in your past. Awaken and receive the gifts of your ancestors to free the pain that lives deep within you.
I took a deep breath, and surrendered to a long sigh. I began to let go and face what I had hidden from myself. All I knew was that I was there, I was no longer aware of the river; I could hear the voice of my ancestors flowing through my body, through my veins, just as the river was flowing through this land.
As I journeyed deeper into the Amazon basin and deeper into the path of my soul, my inherent gifts become my guide. This map of truth was revealed to me as the Seven Secrets of a Soul-Inspired Life.
I was greeted by the animal spirit of the Great Serpent from the South in the First Chakra. I learned to shed the limitation of my ancestral history and awaken to the innate wisdom and courage that lives within my bones.
I was nurtured by the essential qualities of the river that carried me deeper into the West and into the Second Chakra. I was greeted by the animal spirit of the Jaguar. I learned to face my fears and the depth of the unknown with the Divine Mother and the primal intuitive nature of my being.
I was empowered by the Spirit of Fire in the North and greeted by the animal spirit of the Dragon in the Third Chakra. I learned to reclaim the masculine within the nature of my being and penetrate the illusion of my limited consciousness, while bringing into my awareness the essential qualities of the Divine Father.
I was held by my Inner Beloved in the Fourth Chakra and was greeted by the spirit of the White Buffalo as I moved deeper into the direction of the North. I learned to breathe the Breath of Life into my heart, to reclaim the intimate relationship of my soul and bring into my awareness the essential qualities of self-love and compassion.
The North celebrated my freedom in the Fifth Chakra with the spirit of the horse and I learned to listen and unite my hidden cry with the song of my soul. My own experiences were validated through the gift of all my senses. I felt life, I touched life, and I tasted life, I saw life and I heard the vibration of my soul harmonize with the sound of life.
I was lifted by the Spirit of the Eagle in the direction of the East in the Sixth Chakra and bathed in the color indigo so that I saw the eternal vision of my soul. My inherent gifts of clairvoyance were brought into focus and my life’s destiny unfolded before me.
I stood in the center of the four directions in the Seventh Chakra and was awakened to The Divine Truth that lived within.
I learned that the vibration of my soul had to unite with my life’s polarities – the negative and positive forces within each chakra to transform illusion into wisdom and pain into life-giving medicine. Each time I united my fears with my inherent truth, new consciousness was born. My life experiences became the necessary ingredient to transform my life into wholeness.
There was little movement now as I awakened from my long journey of transformation. I surrendered again into the curves of my canoe and watched the canopy of hanging vines and trees open for me as I entered into their sacred sanctuary of beauty. I surrendered to the river, to life, and to the voice of my soul, and I heard: You must return to the sacred place where your soul finds harmony with its Creator, where true communion speaks to you through the same eternal vibration that creates the universe, that sacred place where the flame of spirit resonates in union with the vibration of life. Go within the mystery and reawaken the memory of your soul. Now is the time for your calling to be remembered. Now is the time for your truth to be lived.
Reprinted from In the Heart of God: A Journey Beyond Healing into the Sacred Realms of Creation.
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