Oct 21-23, 2005
Nonviolent Communication helps people connect with the life that is alive in them and the living field of energy permeating and animating all things. In the evolution of language over the last several centuries, the dominant cultures on our planet have developed ways of communicating centered in the mind — in thinking, in knowing, and in judging what is good and bad, right and wrong. This language of knowing and judging cuts us off from life and creates the violence and suffering on our planet. The language of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) enables us to “come back to life,” as NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg puts it.
NVC takes place where this field of life energy meets our thoughts and language. To bridge these two realms, NVC uses the concept of human needs — the universal qualities that sustain and fulfill us, such as safety, love, autonomy, and meaning. Needs also connect us with compassion and our shared humanity. Other components of the NVC process connect our needs to observations, feelings, and requests in relation to what is happening.
Beyond being a language and communication tool, however, NVC is a quality of awareness and consciousness. John Kinyon will share how he uses his expertise with NVC to create a spiritual practice. Once we notice our reactivity to a situation, we can observe our thoughts, feelings, and the events. We can practice being present and aware without resistance to what is, noticing whether we’ve been taken over by conditioned thinking that produces conflict and suffering. After we’ve seen this, we can feel this experience in our bodies and connect these feelings with the needs alive in us, separate from who has done what to trigger the reaction. If we can let go of any attachment to changing anyone or anything, we can go even deeper into feeling life itself.
An inner energy field underlies and manifests the needs arising in us. At this level, your needs are my needs; giving and receiving are one. There are no needs as such, only life moving and flowing, and the experience of peace, beauty and joy, independent of external events. From this place we can request what we want without attachment or demand, conscious of the gift and interdependence of our needs. Connecting in this way, unexpected solutions find us, and creative new ways emerge to meet the needs of all concerned.
Then we connect empathically with the actions (of ourselves or others) that triggered our reactions, connecting with the underlying needs that are served by that action. At this point, a conversation can be truly honest and empathic. Honesty can be expressed without judgment or demand, and empathic connection and caring can occur regardless of how people are communicating with us. John’s goal in this workshop is for people to experience this process and practice communicating from this place.
John Kinyon provides communication and conflict resolution coaching to individuals, partnerships, and groups. He is a trainer and leading member of the Center for Nonviolent Communication’s global network, where he’s a regular co-trainer at 9-day International Intensive Trainings with founder Marshall Rosenberg. John brings a background in clinical psychology and a long study of spiritual principles to working in settings ranging from workshops, retreats, presentations, and practice groups to coaching and conflict resolution in personal and organizational settings. In 2002, he provided training in conflict resolution to Afghani tribal elders along the Pakistani border.